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PHOTOGRAPHY BY HOLLY RANDALL PRODUCTIONS

Heather Starlet, who's majoring in orgasmic chemistry at F.U., has an edge over her classmates: She's receiving private tutelage from esteemed Professor Charles Dera. First she's assigned a handful of books, including the classic tome Latin Clitoral Fingering. Heather, a quick learner, is well-prepared for the oral exam, where—much to her mentor's surprise—she educates him! Next, Professor Dera uses his "power point" to instruct Heather on the science of biological imperatives. He wants her not only to be book smart but also dick smart. Heather finally gets to try out what she's pored over while pulling many an all-nighter. Her reading list includes Boning in Mesopotamia, Exploring the Fertile Crescent and The History of Queefing.

Looking ahead to midterms, the good professor familiarizes Heather with Greco-Roman orgy techniques, such as 69 and the daisy chain. For her final exam she'll be practicing what's outlined in Anal Sex Among the Ancient Greeks. It looks like Heather is going to graduate from F.U. summa cum laude.